The Distorted Kiwi's Wrestling Reviews Blog

Uncensored 1995 Okay, let's get EXTREME(ly silly) as we delve into WCW's "Uncensored" Pay-Per-Views. Some of these have a legendary status for being overbooked crapfests. I've haven't watched one since 2000-ish. Should be fun. Let's start back in 1995. Shit, did I get the wrong event? Tony, Bobby and Mike Tenay greet us in full-bore hype machine mode. Oooh, The Renegade debuts tonight as the Ultimate Surprise. It's some huge buff dude wearing a crocheted loincloth. That IS a surprise. Not a GOOD surprise, of course Vader vs Hogan tonight! Martial arts matches! Boxer vs wrestler match! Those never suck, right? And most importantly, the first minute on the WCW Hotline is FREE! ("Hi. You've called the ... WCW... Hot.... Line. Please hold for... Iron. Mike. .... .... .....Tenay. Threenintyfiveaminutekidsaskyourparentsfirst") Also, Hogan's manager, Jimmy Hart is missing. We hear about this CONSTANTLY for the rest of the show. But first up,

Well, they had to show up sooner or later. The fabled "WWE Home Video Classics"-AKA Those terrible Coliseum Home Video tapes that us deprived wrestling fans watched while waiting for the next Pay-Per-View tape to show up at the video barn. Let's start off with the very first one. Set course for wackiness, it's April of 1985's BLOOPERS, BLEEPS AND BODYSLAMS. The tape (as I shall refer to these shows) starts off with a wonderfully over-the-top introduction, with epically-synthesised music over footage of grapplers both current (in 1985 terms) and historic. It's actually very well done, even if it does of course ends with an extended shot of Hulk Hogan.  Contrasting that is the title screen, in blocky white text on a blue background. Hellllo, 1980's! Not impressive Over host, from "WWF Video Control" (calling Grappler Tom!) is Gorilla Monsoon, who is surprisingly slim-looking. He's wearing the best tuxedo they could find, complete with a wonderf

WCW NITRO-Ooh Look, a Shark! Let's Jump It! So far, the WCW Nitros I have reviewed has been god-awful (September 2000), okay (summer 1999) and just plain dull. (late 1999)  So lets go to the point where it looks like things changed from "failing company" to "Oh shitshitshit, no-one knows what the fuck they're doing!" April 10th, 2000. The WWE Network description promises "A New Era of WCW!". The last era, as it would turn out. We open with the actual titles for once. Refreshing change. We are in Denver, Colorado. Tony is having a voice-gasm, promising us a LANDMARK occasion! A new dawning in the history of pro-wrestling! Yes, I think he's promising THE GREATEST NIGHT IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT HISTORY! Which is why one of the first people we see is David fucking Flair, staring at the lights and looking like a pod person.  "Mmmm... butter" We pan a shit-ton of wrestlers in the ring, and I couldn't name half of these guys without help.